Thinking...

...is the worst invention in the world.

Give me spare time and I tend to think too much about everything. About every relationship I have, about every person I know, about myself, about my own personality, about my band, about my life, about all the things directly concerning me. It annoys the hell out of me.

Plus my mind is screwing with me; I can be completely satisfied, terribly depressed and apathetic on one day!

Painting does fill me with joy though:
I've been working on it and I finished it today. I kind of ruined it though more than you could imagine. It looks great here, but I made some stupid changes. Ah well...






Cheers,

P

Photo shoot

Today we had a photo shoot with Tim, a good friend of Frauke.

We started at nine thirty in the morning, making pictures on a roof. Everyone was freezing theirtoes off, but it was worth it; the scenery was really nice. The roof itself was not that great, it wobbled and felt like it was as thin as ice. The pictures themselves were gorgeous. Reactions of people were amazing as well, looking up, making gestures, smiling, thumbs up.

After we'd done that, we went inside, because everyone was freezing their asses off. We went inside one of the smallest rooms of the building, which had a fireplace which was modified (it didn't work anymore). Once again we had great shots and making them was fun, though sitting on the fireplace was difficult. These photo's took us quite some time, and I wanted to get some clothes I left at home. Roemer had a meeting at the same time, so I went back to get them, and when I finally got back to school everyone had started to make pictures at the side of the building we stood on an hour ago.

We paused for an hour.

After the break we went to a playground where we made some good pictures. There was a little pond for kids to use, and when we used it (all four of us on that thing) I got my shoes and feet wet (officially it's winter. It just means it's fucking cold but there's no snow to compensate the coldness). Yet amazingly, we went on for half an hour before I felt it. I really needed some other shoes to wear so we went back to Frauke's place so I could borrow a pair of shoes from Tim (we discovered that he had the same size).

After getting those shoes we decided we wanted to go on top of the roof; light was fading and we didn't have much time left. So we went on the roof, took more pictures, and also took some in the stairway that was next to the roof. Once again it went smooth and without anyone falling to his or her early death.

When those pictures were taken, we walked back to the school (where we'd shot the pictures on the roof and in the small room). There's a photo studio at the school, which we had reserved for three hours. Before using it, we decided we needed a short break, which turned into a rather long break because we didn't get all the pizzas we ordered (the pizza for Anne, vegetarian, wasn't there). In the end it took more than one hour and a half before we finally got to the studio (after discussing if it was necessary or not).

The studio was awesome. It's really different from making photographs outside; it's empty, and you have to use a concept rather than a nice tree or a nice bulding. So we decided we wanted to go back into the old days; when we all went to school. The concept was quite simple: Anne, Frauke and Roemer were asleep, and I knew the answer to the question. Different, but fun and nice as well. We also took some jumping shots and dancing, and silly stuff. We didn't expect much from this, because we were getting tired and we thought we'd ran out of ideas. Oh how we were wrong...

It was almost nine o' clock in the evening by now, so we wanted to rehearse for half an hour and call it a day. In barely fifteen minutes, we managed to play every single song we had (seven songs, normally it would take us twenty five minutes).

After doing all of that I had to get back to Frauke's place to pick up my shoes and socks (which were nice and warm when I put them on), and Frauke, Tim and I just sat there and talked some more before we all went to our beds.

I just can't believe everything went so well. I hate pictures of myself, and I hate being in the center of attention (that's what I thought). But this whole one day adventure was fantastic. Doing all this stuff makes you feel like you're finally getting somewhere with your band, and it's the most fun I had in months!

Right now everyone is mentally and physically exhausted (and I recon I'm the only one still awake). If there's anything you need to do as a band, do this. Because you won't forget such a day easily.

And I want to thank Tim for spending a whole fucking day with us and not once complaining about it or about the awkward poses he had to put himself into to get nice photographs (sorry Tim!).

Cheers,

P

Ps. And of course the best pictures will be posted on the website and here.

Rotterdam, Amsterdam, Edam, Utrecht, Amanda Palmer

This weekend has been an amazing adventure.

I'll start with yesterday, and I'll work my way back.

Yesterday I was in Edam, with the drummer of Above the Attic, Roemer. During the day we just didn't do much, and in the evening we went to a concert of Amanda Palmer. This is where a lot went wrong...

First we were late, and when we finally got in Utrecht we had troubles finding Tivoli. When we got there we stood there watching a band play, because we thought Amanda was late or we got the time wrong. When they finished they said 'Well, enjoy the Pidgeon Detectives.' Roemer and I looked at each other, and realized we were at the wrong place. Apparently there are TWO Tivoli's.

An hour later (it was nine o' clock) we stumbled inside the Tivoli we needed to be at, where we had some troubles getting in (they talked with the other Tivoli, and after a minute we could go in). Finally, and in the nick of time.

I can't describe the show itself, I can only say I loved every second of it. The acting, the songs, the way everything was orchestrated. It was gorgeous. I even noticed that (I assume by accident) the shadows on the wall of Amanda and Lyndon (a great violist) were beautiful.

At the end I went to the table where Amanda was signing merchandise and talking to fans. I myself am normally not that kind of person; when I do such a thing, I have the feeling I am annoying people or that I am occupying a place which was meant for someone else. Anyway. I brought a CD with me which had six songs on it from Above the Attic. And I gave it to her, telling her how and what (which actually went quite well; despite forgetting to tell her my name).

If you read this Amanda, I love your music and I really hope you want to check out the website and such. I don't want anything from you except for your opinion. That would be great :-).

I sincerely hope she enjoys listening to it or that she responds by saying it's okay or it sucks or it's amazing (though the last one isn't likely to happen; we as a band aren't even that happy with the songs). It's a shame I didn't ask her for a hug, or asked her about how her leg was. But alas, I'm still a nervous and autistic person at heart, who forgets those kind of things in the heat of the moment. Sadly.

When the concert was over, we discovered there weren't any buses going to Edam anymore. So we tried calling friends and relatives to ask if we could stay there for one night. Only my sister answered, and she didn't have the room for Roemer and I. At the end we decided to take a cab for thirty euros. I honestly don't want to know how much money I spent the past three days...


Now we'll go to sunday. Sunday I went to my sister in Amsterdam. I hadn't been there for quite a while, and I hadn't seen where she lived yet. So I was quite suprised because her room is really really nice. And we went to a museum which had all kinds of photographs (one had pictures of people from Africa, street artists, who had monkeys, snakes and hyena's as their guards dogs. Beautiful pictures. Another person had all kind of pictures from the '30s to the '70s which had people in daily situations on it. My sister and I both were wondering how old those people were now, and if they were still alive. There was another one, but he sucked frankly).

Saturday I was at Mieke's place. Mieke is an old friend of mine, and she had a party so I decided to swing by. We spent the day in Rotterdam, which was enjoyable, and we spent the night at her house with lots of people. It was nice being with her again and meeting all her friends (of whom one, David, gave me a Dresden Dolls album. I can't thank him enough).
I also played a song with David. He makes songs using Reason; really nice songs which you can just play and they fill the room with a atmosphere. I played a slow guitar solo over it, and it was quite nice actually. Then I played Daisy, which a couple people liked (which in return made me happy).

And friday I went to Mieke, which didn't went that well (I expected to travel for three hours; I ended up spending five because of a bus and wrong information about buses).


It's 3:45 in the afternoon, and I just took a shower (shower are wonderful things when you feel tired).

Cheers,

Happiness comes in small portions

It's true.

Today I sat in cafe de Beurs again, playing the piano.

And I stopped, as always at nine. At that time a man stood next to me putting a small tip on the piano for me. When I suddenly stopped playing he said 'You're stopping already?'

I said I had already played for two hours.

He replied; 'That's a shame, I really enjoyed it.'

Then he walked away.


These small things totally make my day.

Songs recorded. Song found

We recorded six songs yesterday via my laptop and my microphone (which is a really neat thing. I bought it more than a year ago, never used. The past year it served it's purpose multiple times).

The recording went quite well, it's not good enough to post anywhere yet, but it's nice having something solid. At the same time I'm really eager on knowing when we are going to perform these songs outside our safe bunker.

We also stayed at my place afterward, eating chocolate cake with M&M's and whip cream, watching a really bad American comedy. I enjoyed it.

Today I found an old song I recorded more than a month ago; Mind You. I really really like it, and it's me and it's the piano and it's personal and it's not perfect, but it comes close. It's one of those songs you listen to and when it ends you wonder where the time has been. And if you listen to it closely you can hear someone singing about his life. Which I haven't done before, I always make songs about concepts or ideas. Turning my own personal life and adventures had always resulted in bad songs, so I just didn't try it after a while.

And then you find this. Which is all about me and about what I am. It kind of shocks me to know I had this song and I haven't found it earlier. It would fit so well with everyone. I'm going to fight for this song to remain the same. I want it like this.

This week has been insane. I have had time but my head is full and I messed up things I normally don't, it was my birthday (which was nice, though the real parties are next week), I played with Anna-Mae, and with Roemer. The whole week is filled with stuff to do, it's really really nice. Also really really chaotic for me.

But it's good fun.

Musical dilemma

While I'm sitting on my bed, with a snoring cat from the neighbors next to me, I can't help but think I'm really enjoying everything. I played with Anna-Mae, which was a blast. After half an hour we couldn't focus any longer, so we just played random things, I played the drums, we sang stupid songs and just messed around. It was good fun.

We did finish one song and started another. There are eleven songs for the musical, four of which are already finished (one is a cover, the other three are songs I made some time ago and just changed them a little bit). The fifth is already half way done, and I've got some piano tunes we can use. I finished the lyrics of the eleventh song yesterday, while deciding there should be something like an ending song with the lights turned out which would give everything a warm feeling. Instead of turning the lights on and just bowing to the audience.

Now the band is something I still don't know what to do with. I like playing with them, yet I feel like I miss things/people. This is something I found after I played with Anna-Mae. I miss the opportunity to just play and have fun, yet be serious about it. The connection is gone, at least for me. I'll give it time.

I can't find teachers who can teach me to play the cello. I really want to start it now, or else I won't do it. I also need to look for a student who can help me develop my classic piano skills.

Now I have to excuse myself, the cat want to get out and so do I.


Cheers,



Note to self: Need to buy camera for adding pictures.

Got driver's license + busy

Well I've got my driver's license (hurray!). I burst into tears when he (the exam dude) said I passed. I honestly couldn't believe it. I cried because I was so nervous (I've never ever been so nervous for something in my life. I also haven't felt that relieved when I heard I passed). I just stood up, after shaking his hand and shaking the hand of my driving instructor (who rocks. She's been so nice to me, has taught me in a way which really helped me and I haven't even thanked her for everything. Stupid), and wobbled outside finding my dad and telling him I passed still crying, feeling quite awkward because of the fact I just couldn't stop crying. I didn't know how I felt; relieved, sad, etc. The only thing I knew was that I couldn't believe I passed; I thought I sucked and it went so awful. According to my driving instructor I did very well and drove without showing nervosity. If only she could look inside my head...

And now I can drive home this Friday. I'm a bit scared, it's odd I can't stop thinking about not being able to drive anymore. It's just stupid.

I've also driven the motorcycle of my dad, which was a blast. It's really heavy at first, but when you hit thirty or more it just drives really nice.

Anyway.

Because of those things occurring, I didn't work on the musical at all. Which is a shame, but alas, I couldn't get a grip on myself. This week I will try to write at least one song. Unfortunately we'll only have one meeting and the drummer can't play. It'll work out itself though. I'm positive.

Roemer, the drummer of my band Above the Attic (hence the name Above the Attic's Diary) wants to have six songs ready within ten weeks. We discovered we already have one song completely finished (Mr.Immovable), and two songs almost finished (Wake up! and Nameless). Of the remaining three songs we have a skeleton; a basic idea or a tune without vocals and or real structure. Besides those six we've got loads and loads of idea's, riffs on the guitar, lyrics, and so forth. So six songs shouldn't be a problem.

Just now I've also finished selecting photographs with Roemer, which we will use for flyers and other things.


Here's one of them. I just like the fact that everything is black because of the clothing and the lighting. And the composition is really nice.







Picture by Roemer




Cheers,

Toy Band

Last week was wonderful. I helped with the introduction week of the school. The newcomers could choose from several projects. I had developed the Toy Band with a teacher. The challenge was to make a song with instruments made for children. We had Casio Keyboards, a plastic guitar, my pots and pans, and more. I helped them with two others seniors. We called them Our Children and always asked other friends of us (who were also helping freshman with a project) how it went with their children.

It was a lot of fun. I had to play too because one of the people from my Toy Band got sick. We made a Keytar out of an old Casio Sampler, duck tape, and a guitar strap. This was the first time I performed in ages, and I enjoyed every second of it! It was just fun, fooling around with those toy instruments and the drumkit which we made from my pots and pans. I'll post the youtube video here when it's uploaded.

The other good thing that happened to me; I got myself a team for the musical I've written. We will have a meeting next week in which we will talk about what and how. It's great and a bit scary knowing that I am the person in charge. I'm really looking forward to it though.

But I'm sick now, unfortunately; my stomach hurts and I can't breath that easily. Coughing up mucilage while my throat feels like someone has thrown razorblades inside. I hope it'll wear off soon. Then I can really put all my energy in the musical (and in getting my driver's license).

Cheers,

It's going well

I have to admit, I enjoy what I'm doing.

The thing that I'm doing is practicing! Piano and guitar, not much though, but enough. But what I'm really excited about is the fact that I'll be playing with Frauke, , the hopefully-soon-to-be cellist of Above the Attic.

Furthermore, there's a chance I will be getting a part-time job as a pianist in a busy cafe (I didn't know you could achieve that much with some chit chat).

And last but not least I finally have a roommate (rather a housemate). A first year student at the musics school I'm attending, who's a genuine nice person, and I think we'll get along pretty well.

The only thing that is frustrating me is the fact I am not playing that much piano and guitar. I could be playing three hours a day, but I can't. My bottle of concentration is empty after half an hour, no matter what I do. I also haven't been writing many songs (though I've never wrote many songs, but there are a few unfinished, and even those are gathering dust).

But school will start in two weeks, I'll be back working on everything and hopefully performing a hell of a lot.


Cheers,

Working and so on

I've been busy, so to speak. With making music. I changed the genre again, now I'm trying to make composition with my Macbook. I've listened to too much Garbage songs. Now I want to use their style, and mix it with the Dresden Dolls, and my own style, plus Chopin. I really hope that'll work and I really hope this will finally be something I want to perform with (and I sincerely hope that I will actually perform).

So that is what I'm doing, plus practicing Chopin Preludes (I need to buy the Nocturnes), my own compositions and on the guitar scales and songs. The only thing I am not doing is practicing my vocals which is something I should do. I've generally neglected my vocals for the past year because I don't like hearing myself or I am just ashamed others might hear it. Yet I should practice because I will do the vocals on some songs.



I've been wondering the past few days about what I want to do.

Do I really want to perform?

- Yes, although I have to admit I'm terrified every time I'm standing in front of a small crowd.

What kind of music do I want to make?

- I don't know.

You see that second question? That's the one that freaks me out. I know I want to perform and I know I want to try to be famous or whatever. But I don't know with what kind of music. Now that I've started making songs via my laptop, I found it sounding great. At the same time I was wondering whether or not I could produce more songs that were this great. So now I want to prove myself I can do it by making about three songs in the next three weeks. If I'm really pleased with them I'll put them on youtube.

Cheers,

Fucking hot

I hate this. It's so damn hot that I can't think clearly, can't play the piano (takes too much energy), and the worst of all: it takes away my appetite!

Anyway.

Today I recorded Mr.Immovable and a raw version of Wake up Wake up Wake up. It wasn't fun to do because of the heat, but nevertheless I'm pleased that I finally have something.

Next Saturday I'll be making the website of the band with a good friend of mine. But we haven't got everything, so I guess we have to improvise first with ugly, photoshopped and googled pictures. It's okay though, though I really want to finish it the same day (which won't happen for sure).

I've been listening to Dresden dolls a lot again, using it to analyze why I like their songs. They're are so brilliant. Simple melodies, nice rhythms, I'm so jealous they are where I want to be. I will also spend time on analyzing Chopin's preludes and nocturnes.

Hopefully I'll learn some valuable things.



Well that's it for now,




Cheers.

Brainfreeze

Although everything seems to go okay, I'm still frustrated by so many things.

I can't seem to write new lyrics. I haven't got idea's or things that happened to me which I could convey in a song. And my English is too poor to make a nice song.

Yet the strange thing is that I know that those songs will come. Mr.Immovable is still a song I enjoy singing and playing. And I just wrote it when I got a sudden burst of inspiration. Two hours of work, and there it was!

But it's so simple and easy. I want songs which sound somewhat stranger. And we have a couple of chords and rhythm which are strange. But it takes time to turn those into a song. And I do not have the patience. I want to perform I want to know whether or not people genuinely like the music I make!

So I've been studying Chopin's Preludes. They are wonderful, and hard. I will try to learn most of them during my vacation. But concentration takes huges chunks of energy; every single time I play I feel like I'm being drained.

But on the bright side; we do got four songs which are almost done (all of them are missing the lyrics which we need to add soon). And there are a couple waiting (another one is finished, but Roemer can't remember that he liked it. For fuck sake, we played it for half an hour and were playing like we never did before. How the hell did he forget that song!).

Music is strange

It really is.

I couldn't create any new songs for the past week. And I almost became frustrated and pessimistic about everything. Then I got the chance to play with a friend of mine, Anna Mae. And what do you know, there they were! Three new songs.

After playing with her, I played for an hour and a half with Roemer. And we created this insane simple but delicious short song. It consists of four major chords. And we played like crazy, and I sang like crazy (I even discovered I could put on a raw voice without damaging my voice much). We finished after playing the song for ten minutes, then I just didn't have a voice (I discovered that damaging your voice not much is still noticeable), and I felt tired. We quickly decided that this song should be recorded and Mr.Immovable should be recorded. So we will record them and put them on youtube within a few weeks :).

As I said music is strange.

Mr.Immovable

Mr.Immovable is finished, I played it with Roemer (the drummer of my band) for over an hour. Been singing it too, and I feel good about it. It's a sweet song, a bittersweet fantasy tale.

Next week I want to make a video-clip for it, using just paper, a pen, and frame by frame shooting with a camera. I want it so fucking bad. Damn.

You know when an idea gets stuck inside your head at night? And you want to see if the result is to be compared to what you had in mind? That's how I am now. No camera in sight, though there's plenty of paper to be found.

I also want to try out my guitar songs on the piano, and then change them. And when there are five songs (or more. More is good). I want to perform. A lot. A awful lot. Experience. Experience. Needed. So. Bad. Dot.

I am completely obsessed by the Dresden Dolls. I'll admit. Their music inspires me, Amanda's blog inspires me, their whole style and way of performing is fabulous. When I finish the video-clip I'll most definitely send it to them. No chance they will see it, but nonetheless, I can always try.

And to make everything even better, Frauke will listen to our music next week. She plays the cello, and I want her in the band. I'll be in heaven when a cellist plays in my band. That would make the band even more of a quirk than it already is right now.

I want to do so many things, but I've got so little time. I want to work my ass off in the vacation; play with lots of bands, visit performances of other people, play for people, talk with people about music. Breath music. Would be great.

Scary shit

It's 01:27 and the bulb in my room just exploded. This is the second one that exploded out of the three that have gone to smithereens the past six months.

My heart needed a good five minutes to stop pounding....

And now I need to turn on a light, so I can scrape the pieces of glass of the floor. I'm completely freaked out right now, I hate exploding objects..

I like blogging, it gives me a space where I can vent all my thoughts, feeling, and so fort.

So now I am filling with inspiration, it's almost midnight, and I just wrote half a song which doesn't even sound half as bad as all the other crap I produced on guitar.

It's about Mr. Immovable. I was hugely inspired by a blog written by Amanda (Dresden Dolls Amanda) who wrote about her lover (?) being immobilized because of an illness. Luckily he was cured after a couple of weeks. I loved the idea of someone being immobilized and someone loving that person to death. So I wrote a song about it, which doesn't express a lot, but does make it sound sweet. I also want to use this song as a tribute.

Now I only need to write a chorus and a nice ending...